gone

I'm not sure.

Lately, i seem to be acting weird. Or maybe i am weird? It seems to me that i can't control myself, my temper. Maybe i'm losing my mind. Maybe i'm depressed. Maybe i'm stressed and thus irritable.

It's exam period. But exams seem to have lost its meaning to me. I don't feel the pressure to study. All that i know is that i don't wanna fail and have to repeat it next year. But i'm not doing anything about it. I sleep alot. I wake up late, around 11, have brunch and sleep till 3 or 4. I study a lil', then take a shower, have dinner, watch tv for a couple of hours before settling down to study. Then, i'll feel like chatting to a friend. But there's nobody i wanna talk to other than my boyfriend, best friend and cousin. The only available option seems to be my best friend. I'd yak away like there's no tomorrow, before going to bed soon after.

My emotions. It seems to be getting out of hand. I'm so easily irritable. Little things my bro do pisses me off. But well, it's a passing phase. I get angry easily and i get upset easily. Maybe certain things are not meant to be taken seriously. Maybe it was just a joke. Maybe i'm just stupid and those tears just come easy. By the way, "stupid" seems to be my favourite word these days. Or maybe i've limited vocab. Damn it, i'm stupid, my bro thinks i'm stupid, i think my bro's stupid (actually i don't), i think my friend is stupid, i scold my friend stupid, i describe things as stupid, well you get the idea.

I just don't know what to do. I don't wanna lose certain things. I feel lost. I may look fine. But what lies beneath that smile? I don't know.

I declare myself dead. I'm just not what i used to be.

...till i get resurrected, watch this space.